Le Père Noël chez le psy (décembre 2016)

Sujet : La séance de psychanalyse du Père Noël :

Pour cette fin d’année, je vous propose mon cadeau de Noël : un sujet sur un thème d’actualité : Noël. Il s’agit d’écrire sous forme de dialogue la séance de psychanalyse correspondant à l’image ci-dessous. Lâchez-vous et amusez-vous bien !!!!!

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Gisèle : Docteur Jekyll et Mister Noël (en abrégé Dr et Mr)

La scène se passe au cabinet du Docteur Jekyll, psychanalyste de renom.

Dr : Eh bien nous revoici pour notre troisième séance, Mister Noël. Je vous ai installé sur le divan car vous n’avez plus besoin d’un soutien visuel pour me parler. Essayons d’en savoir plus sur vos problèmes de blocages.

Mr Noël : (se couchant avec effort sur une méridienne fort étroite, et ramenant autour de lui sa houppelande rouge qui traîne par terre.)

Oui, j’ai réfléchi à mon trouble. Vous n’êtes pas sans ignorer que je vais être bientôt surchargé de travail puisque la fin de l’année approche. Or, je me fais vieux, je manque d’organisation. Le centre de distribution logistique des jouets me donne du fil à retordre. Figurez-vous que les lutins exigent des RTT car ils estiment que je leur demande trop d’heures supplémentaires !

Dr : Ne rentrons pas dans les détails de votre travail…

Mr : (ne l’écoutant pas) De plus, les soufflets de cardan d’un de mes rennes sont usés…

Dr 🙁 sursautant) Mais un renne… (Dans son for intérieur): c’est plus grave que je ne pensais …

Mr : (Se tournant vers le docteur et enlevant d’une pichenette son bonnet rouge : pffuf…, il fait chaud ici !) Oui, je vous entends, les rennes n’ont pas de cardans puisqu’ils sont vivants. Mais il y a belle lurette que je les ai remplacés par des véhicules à leur effigie ! Il faut bien vivre avec son temps. A une époque, j’avais même pensé à remplacer mes rennes par des exocets. Non ! Non ! Pas les fusées ! Les poissons volants uniquement. Mais il y avait trop de complications : il aurait fallu emporter un baquet d’eau de mer sur le traîneau, en plus des jouets. Et comme vous le voyez, j’occupe pas mal d’espace. A ce propos, si vous pouviez me fournir un divan plus confortable…

Dr : Revenons à nos moutons. Vous êtes maintenant en position de sujet, supposé savoir la cause de sa souffrance. Si vous nous parliez maintenant de ce blocage qui vous ronge ?

Mr : Ah ! Docteur ! Si vous saviez comme j’appréhende le soir du 24 décembre. Je deviens frileux, il faudra l’an prochain que je commande une limousine, avec amortisseurs spéciaux, en forme de traîneau, bien sûr. Et si j’y ajoutais un fauteuil avec releveur intégré pour les jambes ? A ce sujet, mes pieds me font souffrir, me permettez-vous, docteur, d’ôter mes bottes ? (Et sans attendre la réponse du médecin, Mister Noël, se débarrasse bruyamment de ses chaussures)

Dr : (Lisant son journal) Vous refusez d’aborder le sujet qui nous occupe.

Mr : Vous ne comprenez pas, docteur, j’ai tant de soucis ! Les enfants ne croient plus en moi : je reçois de moins en moins de lettres de leur part. Alors, bien sûr, il est difficile de deviner leurs désirs. J’ai bien envie d’utiliser mon Smartphone pour leur envoyer à chacun un SMS comminatoire, leur enjoignant d’envoyer leur commande avant le dix décembre, dernier délai.

Dr : (Tournant les pages de son journal) Vous n’avez toujours pas abordé le sujet.

Mr : C’est-à-dire, Docteur, que je ressens beaucoup de honte à l’avouer. (Avec effort, Mister Noël se tourne sur le côté) Comment vous dire ? J’ai pris, depuis l’an dernier, une sorte de phobie des cheminées. Déjà, autrefois, je trouvais assez désagréable de m’introduire, tête première, dans cet orifice circulaire, malodorant et ô combien salissant. Imaginez l’état de ma houppelande à la fin de la nuit ! Mais depuis quelque temps, je fais d’affreux cauchemars où je me retrouve coincé dans un conduit trop étroit pour ma corpulence et où je me réveille tremblant, haletant et couvert de sueur. Madame Noël se plaint également de mes hurlements nocturnes quotidiens.

Dr : (Arrêtant de lire son journal) Tout ça, c’est bien ordinaire, vous faites un peu de claustrophobie, c’est tout : nous allons certainement en venir à bout. Voyons. Essayez de vous remémorer votre enfance. Votre mère était-elle affectueuse et attentionnée à votre égard ?

Mr : Oh ! Oui ! Beaucoup ! Elle m’a allaité jusqu’à quatre ans : assise, elle dégrafait son corsage à ma demande et je la tétais debout !

Dr : (rêveur) Ah ! Le sein ! Objet premier du désir enfantin…Mais dites-moi, comment s’est passée votre naissance ?

Mr : Ah ! Docteur, je ne saurais vous dire : je pesais plus de 4 kg et le médecin accoucheur a dû utiliser les fers. Bien évidemment, je ne m’en souviens plus mais ma pauvre mère n’a pas oublié cette épreuve.

Dr : (Pliant son journal) Eh bien, nous y voilà ! Vous avez eu énormément de mal à quitter le douillet refuge de l’utérus de votre mère. On vous a extirpé de force, et sans ménagement  pour vous faire naître. Chaque 24 décembre, vous revivez cette angoisse et cette douleur. Vous avez mis des mots sur votre blocage, il va disparaître.

Mr Noël (Se redressant furieux, la houppelande complètement ouverte sur son bedon distendu) : dites donc ! J’en ai assez de votre psychanalyse à la petite semaine. Vous ne pourriez pas trouver autre chose que de comparer le vagin de ma pauvre maman  à un sale conduit de cheminée !

Dr : Votre colère est un signe : vous refusez d’admettre la vérité, vous êtes en plein déni.

Mr Noël :(enfilant se bottes avec rage) Eh bien, moi, votre vérité, je me la mets quelque part. Adieu Docteur.

Dr : vous me devez cent euros.

Mr Noël : adressez donc votre réclamation au Père Noël et avant le dix décembre, s’il vous plaît. (Mister Noël enfonce d’un coup de poing son bonnet sur la tête et sort en claquant la porte)

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Hélène :

Psy (P): Alors, Mr Nadal, comment allez-vous aujourd’hui ?

P Noël (PN) : Oh là là…. Bof !

P : Euh … oui … mais encore ?

PN :  silence éloquent

P : Ne soyez pas timide, je suis à votre écoute …

Le Père Noël fond en larmes, sort un immense mouchoir à carreaux et à étoiles et se mouche bruyamment.

PN : C’est que … je n’arrive pas à penser à autre chose … même quand je dors, je rêve de tout ce qui est arrivé …. Encore et encore … Mes pauvres petits ! OUAINNNNNNNNNNN

Le psy est un peu désemparé devant tant de détresse, mais se ressaisit rapidement. Il se lève, et d’un geste professionnel tapote l’épaule de son patient :

P :C’est cela, pleurez, faites surgir vos émotions enfouies au plus profond de vous…. Ensuite, vous me raconterez en détail votre traumatisme.

PN : Mais j’vous ai déjà tout raconté la semaine dernière ! Et la semaine d’avant aussi ! ça va faire plus de six mois, depuis décembre, que je vous vois toutes les semaines !

P : Je sais, mais plus le traumatisme est important, plus il faut de temps pour le réparer … tenez, par exemple, j’ai suivi une patiente pendant plus de douze ans … c’est le temps qui lui a fallu pour se remettre …

PN : Et qu’est-ce qui lui était arrivé ?

P : Son teckel avait détesté le changement de marque de croquettes, il ne voulait plus lui adresser la parole ; ensuite, il a demandé le divorce … une bien terrible histoire … bon, laissez-vous aller, Mr Nadal, fermez les yeux et essayez de me dire ce que vous ressentez …

PN : Si seulement j’avais fait grève cette année ! Ou si j’avais pu attraper la grippe ! Je serais resté au chaud chez moi, tranquille, et mes pt’its chéris seraient encore auprès de moi ! Rien de tout cela ne serait arrivé !

P : Qu’est-ce qui ne serait pas arrivé ?

PN : Ben, mon accident … faut dire que j’ai commencé la tournée de mauvaise humeur … j’avais mal dormi la nuit du 23, mes aigreurs d’estomac ont commencé à me reprendre au moment où je chargeais la camelote, et pour couronner le tout, la lanière de ma hotte avait pété alors que j’avais livré seulement deux cadeaux ! Quel début !

 Mr Nadal marque une pause et se mouche à nouveau. Puis il reprend :

PN : C’est donc de très mauvaise humeur que j’ai continué ma tournée. J’avais atteint le continent américain depuis deux ou trois heures, sans aucun problème. La nuit était douce et claire. On en était au 345e cadeau livré quand j’ai remarqué que Kiki avait l’œil gauche qui pleurait.

Je me suis dit : « Zut ! Encore un moucheron qui vient s’écrabouiller juste dans l’œil de Kiki ! » A chaque fois c’est pareil ! Faut dire, docteur, qu’avec le réchauffement climatique, même en décembre on a des bestioles qui volent en plein ciel ! Et cet idiot de Kiki qui n’avait rien vu ! Le problème, c’est que Kiki est le renne de tête de mon attelage ! Quand j’ai voulu freiner pour atteindre le toit de la Maison Blanche, Kiki a glissé, et a entraîné avec lui tout l’attelage ! Je me souviens très bien de la scène, comme si c’était hier : Bijou 42, à côté de Kiki, s’est pris les pattes dans les rennes, ensuite Groseille, juste derrière, s’est écrasé le pif sur les fesses de Bijou 42, et a beuglé comme un dingue … Leonardo, mon préféré, si doux et si calme d’habitude, s’est cabré comme un étalon, et s’est cogné la tête contre le mât du drapeau américain ! Lequel a vacillé et s’est décroché, tombant d’un coup, direct, sur Cooky, ce qui a alors entraîné tout l’attelage dans une chute vertigineuse ! Mais tout ça, c’était rien du tout … le pire est arrivé après …

La barbe de Mr Nadal tremblote sous le coup de l’émotion. Ses yeux sont embués de larmes .

P : Qu’est-ce qui était pire que ce crash en pleine nuit ?

PN : Je sais pas si je vais pouvoir vous raconter la suite … mais vous comprenez, ça ne m’est jamais arrivé, une histoire pareille, en cinquante ans de carrière … c’était tellement horrible … où j’en étais ? Ah oui ! tout le monde a été réveillé à cause des cadeaux qui dégringolaient du toit de la maison blanche … et c’est à ce moment là que j’ai vu une fenêtre s’ouvrir, alors que j’essayais de sauver les meubles – si on peut parler ainsi – en m’accrochant à la corniche de la façade. Un type bizarre a surgi et a arpenté le balcon. Il portait une choucroute orange qui débordait d’un bonnet de nuit blanc orné d’un ruban en or. Il s’est pris un cadeau sur la tronche, puis un autre … Il a commencé à devenir tout rouge et à hurler comme un dingue !

Ce type me regardait avec des petits yeux porcins vifs et malveillants … j’étais mort de trouille, évidemment … une telle vision en pleine nuit de Noël, mettez-vous à ma place ! alors, j’ai voulu m’échapper, en grimpant sur le dos de Leonardo … J’ai tout laissé en plan : la hotte, les cadeaux, Kiki et son moucheron … quel lâche ! J’ai été vraiment minable !

P : Disons que votre amour-propre est au plus bas … mais vous avez suivi votre instinct de survie,  non ?

PN : Dites-le comme vous voulez, docteur, en tout cas moi à cet instant j’étais vraiment pas fier de moi … mais ce type m’avait fichu une trouille bleue ! Un comble, moi qui ne supporte que le rouge !

P : C’est cela, continuez …

PN : Continuez, continuez, vous en avez de bonnes ! C’est tellement douloureux toute cette histoire ! J’ai justement pas pu la continuer, ma tournée !!!

Mr Nadal s’agite de plus en plus sur le canapé. Cela fait longtemps qu’il n’est plus allongé ; il est assis et gesticule en faisant de grands gestes avec ses petits bras dodus.

PN : Bon, alors, quand j’ai pris de l’altitude et que je me suis senti un peu en sécurité, je me suis retourné, en espérant apercevoir mes rennes s’échapper de ce grand bazar. C’est là que j’ai entendu distinctement le rouquin dodu qui criait en anglais comme un dément(je vous épargne mon accent anglais déplorable, je vous fais la traduction) : «  Qu’est-ce qui se passe ? Une attaque des aliens ? Non ! Des mexicains ! AAHHH !!!! Regardez ! Un mexicain , là-haut ! Avec son costume traditionnel ! ILS NOUS ATTAQUENT !! ALERTE !!! COMMMANDANT HUNTING !!! TIREZ ! MAIS TIREZ DONC !!!

Ensuite, vous connaissez la fin aussi bien que moi, docteur, la nouvelle était à la une de tous les journaux de la planète, le lendemain : « UN ATTENTAT DEJOUE A LA MAISON BLANCHE EN PLEINE SAINTE NUIT » , «  QUAND LES TERRORISTES IGNORENT LA TREVE DE NOEL – GRAVE ATTEINTE A LA SECURITE DE L’ETAT A LA MAISON BLANCHE », et j’en passe …  Mes pauvres rennes … Kiki, Groseille !!! BOUOUOUOUOUH !!!

FIN

PS : merci à mon fils Lucien pour les noms des rennes et pour son imagination fertile !

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Johanna

Je vous  écoute

– Je suis essoufflé, Docteur, mes journées sont de vrais marathons, chez les publicitaires à 10 heures, dans les écoles de quartier à 11 heures pour la distribution de livres et de papillottes, 17 heures : tours nocturnes en traineau dans le centre ville, sapins d’entreprises à 19 heures et passage éclair dans les restaurants après 21 heures … Les journées comme celle-ci se répètent les yeux rivés sur ma montre pour ne pas manquer le rendez-vous qui suit. Je ressemble plus à un robot qu’à un père-Noël !! Je passe des nuits très agitées Docteur, je sursaute et crie « au secours ils auront ma peau ! » …

– Pouvez vous préciser, « ils » de qui s’agit il ?

– De tous ces bambins qui me tournent autour, qui me montent dessus pour me bisouiller comme s’ils me connaissaient … qui me scrutent de leurs yeux tous ronds, qui attendent de moi la lune que je ne pourrai jamais leur donner !! De retour chez moi, peu après minuit, je m’allonge sur mon lit, lessivé de ma journée. Je n’ai plus d’énergie pour ouvrir un roman, écouter de la musique. Mon corps se fait lourd, je ne bouge plus, bouche et yeux ouverts …

– Plus exactement vous jouez à être mort ?

– Ma vie au fond se résume à un jeu d’enfant, je joue à être un personnage souriant, aimant, généreux, toujours de bonne humeur et quand il me faut retourner à la vie réelle, je préfère jouer la morte pour fuir peut être ce que je suis devenue (En enlevant sa perruque et sa barbe)

– Ludivine ! Ça alors ! Retrouvons-nous au café du théâtre dans une heure, tu veux bien ?

– Tu me demandes d’attendre encore après tant d’années passées à te rechercher ! je te croyais mort … ton silence me laissait de marbre, j’ai essayé de le combler mais chaque soir j’essayais de comprendre, de trouver une logique à ta disparition soudaine, j’ai eu si peur … à cette heure ma place est plutôt dans le fauteuil et toi sur le divan, ta nouvelle vie m’intéresse, tu dois avoir plein de choses à me raconter !! Mets-toi à l’aise Thomas … je t’écoute

– 20 ans avions- nous à l’époque ! Je n’étais qu’un gamin qui pensait à s’amuser, à profiter de sa vie d’étudiant, voyager ou étudier à l’étranger, puis tu es entrée dans ma vie, je suis tombé sous le charme de ton doux regard, ensemble on faisait les fous, on partait et sortait tous les week-end. En amoureux, on a fait Paris, Amsterdam, Bruges, Berlin, Londres … C’était la bohème, j’ai adoré cette époque ! Restons-en là, à se remémorer de beaux souvenirs …

– Laisse-moi te rappeler que tu m’as laisssée enceinte de toi, que j’ai dû me débrouiller avec deux enfants qui réclamaient sans cesse à te revoir. Aujourd’hui, c’est Noël, je leur ai promis qu’on allait te chercher à l’aéroport, que tu revenais de ta mission …

– Tu m’as fait passer pour un miltaire ?

– Mieux pour un médecin humanitaire

– Pourquoi pas un ambassadeur ou James bond pendant que tu y es ?!

– Parce qu’un Père-Noël malgré toute sa bonne volonté, sa générosité ne comble pas le manque de père. Un médecin par sa fonction réussit à panser les blessures, même s’il n’efface pas une cicatrice.

– Les as-tu appelés par la première syllabe de nos prénoms ? Notre secret de l’époque !

– Oui. Ludo et Tobias, ils ont 10 ans et te ressemblent comme deux gouttes d’eau.

– Je ne sais pas si je dois te croire … les médecins à l’époque t’avaient dit que ce serait difficile de les garder, qu’ils pouvaient naître avec une anomalie …

– Et c’est ce qui t’a fait fuir. Il n’est jamais trop tard pour t’intéresser à eux, ils seront ravis de te connaître. Alors allons-y !

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Mimie :

– Père Noël : Je suis là, mais j’ai honte

-ψ : Honte ?

– PN : Oui, j’ai honte ; je devrais être en train de distribuer des jouets à tous les enfants partout dans le monde

-ψ : Oui ?

– PN : Oui, nous sommes le soir de Noël et je suis là, affalé sur votre canapé de consultation

-ψ : C’est pourtant bien là que s’installent tous mes patients

– PN : Oui je sais cela, mais vous faites semblant de ne pas comprendre l’incongruité de ma situation : moi, être là, chez vous, le soir de Noël

-ψ : Pouvez-vous me préciser ce que vous trouvez incongru ? D’autant plus que je vous rappelle que c’est vous qui avez pris ce rendez-vous ce soir

– PN : Je trouve bizarre, fou, tordu d’être chez un psychiatre au lieu de tenir le rôle que l’on attend de moi

-ψ : Bizarre, vous avez dit bizarre ?

– PN : Oui, j’ai dit bizarre, c’est étrange, non ?

-ψ : Oui, vous disiez trouver bizarre d’être ici ce soir

– PN : Oui, mais quand j’y réfléchis, je ne sais pas ce qui est le plus bizarre : être sur votre divan ce soir précisément ou une fois par an faire ce que tous les enfants attendent de moi

-ψ : Oui ?

– PN : Je ne sais plus si je suis un de vos patients qui se prendrait pour le Père Noël ou à l’inverse si je suis bien le Père Noël et que j’ai besoin de consulter un psychiatre

– ψ : Qu’en pensez-vous ?

– PN : Je ne sais pas, toute l’année ça a été, et puis ce soir j’ai eu comme une lassitude

– ψ : Oui ?

– PN : Je n’en peux plus, en fait

– ψ : De quoi n’en pouvez-vous plus ?

– PN : je ne sais pas au juste : à quoi cela rime de distribuer des cadeaux à tous les enfants de la terre ? D’offrir de très gros jouets aux enfants de riches et de petits jouets aux enfants de pauvres, d’offrir des cadeaux aux sales gosses qui ne le méritent pas et d’offrir les mêmes cadeaux à des enfants qui souhaiteraient plutôt la paix, l’amour de leurs parents …

– ψ : C’est dur pour vous, cela ?

– PN : Oui. Oui, J’ai l’impression d’être de plus en plus à côté de mes bottes fourrées

– ψ : C’est-à-dire ?

– PN : C’est toute la question du mérite et de la récompense, de l’utile et du futile, du nécessaire et du superflu …

– ψ : Vous vous posez beaucoup de questions

– PN : Oui et puis d’autres beaucoup plus prosaïques : très souvent quand les enfants m’écrivent, je ne connais même pas les noms des cadeaux qu’ils me commandent, vous vous rendez compte, moi, le spécialiste des jouets !! … Et puis j’ai l’impression de faire de moins en moins rêver.

– ψ : Qu’est-ce-qui vous fait dire cela ?

– PN : Eh bien par exemple, quand dans les magasins, les enfants se font prendre en photo avec moi, il y en a qui me tirent sur la barbe pour vérifier si c’est une vraie barbe, d’autres me glissent à l’oreille : « Tu sais, je fais la photo pour faire plaisir à maman, mais moi, j’y crois pas au Père Noël ».

– ψ : Et cela vous fait quoi de vivre tout cela  ?

– PN : Hé bien je ne sais plus qui je suis, si je suis un imposteur, un fou, un mythomane, ou bien le gentil Père Noël que tous les enfants aiment

– ψ : Oui

– PN : Et vous Docteur, vous croyez au Père Noël

– ψ : Qu’en pensez-vous vous-même ?

– PN : Je ne sais pas, c’est la première fois que je viens, je ne vous connais pas encore

– ψ : Cela fait tout de même un bon quart d’heure que nous discutons

– PN : Oui, mais vous ne vous m’avez encore rien commandé, alors je me pose des questions

– ψ : Croyez-vous que si dans ma patientèle j’ai un boucher, je vais lui demander en pleine consultation une côte de veau ?

– PN : Non bien sûr, mais moi c’est différent

– ψ : Ah oui ?

– PN : Oui, si vous ne croyez pas en moi, comment moi pourrais-je croire en moi ?

– ψ : L’opinion d’autrui a tant d’importance pour vous ?

– PN : Oui car si l’on ne croit pas en moi, on me nie, on me rejette, on m’ignore et je n’ai plus de raison d’exister

– ψ : Qu’est-ce-qui serait nécessaire et suffisant pour vous permettre de croire en vous et de vivre heureux ?

– PN : Que l’on croie en moi

– ψ : Si je vous ai écouté, c’est que vous n’êtes pas une coquille vide et que je veux vous aider à aller mieux, non ?

– PN : Oui

– ψ : Donc c’est que je crois en vous, non ?

– PN : Oui

– ψ : Bon, nous allons nous en tenir là pour cette 1ère séance, je crois que vous avez une grosse nuit qui vous attend.

– PN : Oui, effectivement, merci Docteur

– ψ : N’oubliez pas mon petit cadeau en sortant !!!

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Pascaline

– Bonjour Monsieur, je vous en prie, asseyez-vous.

– Merci bien.

Long silence.

Monsieur Noël regarde ses bottes, puis ses mains, puis le décor. Une plante en plastique, un tableau de belle facture.

– Je suis venu parce que je n’en peux plus … voilà. C’est difficile à dire.

Gros soupirs. Les bottes s’agitent.

– C’est difficile … je ne sais plus quoi faire … je suis dépassé. J’ai toujours fait de mon mieux, pour que tout le monde soit content, que mes enfants soient heureux, qu’ils aient le cœur qui bat, qu’ils se hâtent de se lever le matin et là … là … je ne sais plus. Je ne sais plus ce qu’il faut faire. S’il faut continuer …

– Continuez …

Gros soupirs. Encore.

– Plus ça va, moins ça va. Ce n’est pas cela que je voulais … Tout est à l’envers maintenant, un mauvais envers …

– Mmmmm …

– Maintenant, j’ai des listes à respecter, alors que la plupart des enfants, je sais ce qu’ils veulent. Ils veulent juste ce que je ne peux pas leur offrir.

– C’est-à-dire ?

– Le temps. Le temps … le temps gratuit, le temps … pour jouer, rire avec ses parents, parler avec eux, qu’ils soient là … c’est comme si les objets étaient là, eux, toujours plus présents et que le vrai présent, le cadeau, celui de la parole, de la même respiration, celui des regards qui se croisent, ce vrai présent ne pouvait plus se donner, s’offrir…  Au départ, j’amenais une orange, belle comme la terre, qu’ils pouvaient tenir dans leur main … maintenant, dans leurs petites mains, il y a des manettes … des manettes, des pistolets, au bout de leurs doigts, des mondes virtuels, de plus en plus. Plus de terre …  plus d’oranges.

– C’est la marche du monde … le marché du monde.

– Oui, le monde n’est plus qu’un marché. Il court …

Monsieur Noël soupire et tire sur sa barbe, toute blanche et un peu emmêlée.

– Au départ, je voulais juste apporter un peu de lumière, voyez-vous ? Un peu de lumière dans cet obscur hiver, un peu de lumière … pour sortir de l’hiver. Marquer ce passage …

– Pas sage ?

Le Père Noël sursaute.

– Non ! Surtout pas ça : passage ! Pas de chant…age …

Il tire de nouveau sur sa barbe. Il regarde à droite, à gauche. Il secoue la tête …

– Je cherche mais plus rien … je ne trouve plus rien à dire … les mots même me trahissent, ne veulent plus rien dire …

– A quand remonte votre plus ancien souvenir ?

– A … à plusieurs siècles. J’étais habillé en vert, vert … naturel.

– Comme le sapin, par exemple.

– Oui, comme les sapins. Je parcourais l’Europe et distribuais de petits cadeaux pour les enfants. Ils venaient à moi … ils criaient …. petit papa Noël !

– Petit papa ? Pourquoi ?

– Parce que je suis le Père Noël.

Le psy tira sa moustache. Il toussota.

– Le Père dites-vous … le père …

– C’est comme ça qu’ils m’appelaient et qu’ils m’appellent encore.

Le psy regarde monsieur Noël.

– Pourquoi n’êtes-vous plus vert ?

– Parce que le monde tourne à  l’envers.

Avant, les enfants écoutaient mes histoires … je veux dire, les parents parlaient de moi, les grands-parents .. et puis, la parole a laissé place à la télé et maintenant, je porte les couleurs d’un soda…

– Un SODA ?

– Un soda oui … un soda rouge et blanc …  je ne voulais pas ça, mais les enfants m’attendaient habillés comme ça … vous comprenez, à force de voir ça … J’ai bien essayé de continuer dans mon costume mais plus personne ne voulait de moi, plus personne ne s’arrêtait devant moi … je passais dans les villages, les gens m’ignoraient. Ils étaient chez eux, devant leurs écrans lumineux, leurs lumières froides. Peu à peu, les enfants ne me reconnaissaient même plus. Lorsque l’un d’eux s’approchait, ses parents le tiraient en arrière …alors, je me suis habillé en rouge et blanc puisque c’est comme ça qu’il faut être …

– Et cela vous a fait quoi ?

– J’étais triste. Je suis là pour éclairer, apporter une couleur de printemps, montrer que même l’hiver, des arbres restent verts, attendent, savent attendre les jours meilleurs …

Le Père Noël essuie une larme. Il cherche un mouchoir en tissu dans sa grande poche rouge …

– Regardez où j’en suis, moi, à chercher un mouchoir … moi …

– Que voulez-vous, monsieur Noël ? Au fond de vous, que voulez-vous ? Qu’est-ce qui vous rendrait heureux ?

Surpris par cette question, monsieur Noël fronce les sourcils, réfléchissant intensément.

– Je souhaiterais finalement … que les enfants aient des étoiles dans les yeux lorsqu’ils se lèvent, le matin. Je voudrais qu’ils tendent l’oreille, le soir … qu’ils sachent que la magie existe, que ce qu’ils désirent le plus se réalisera un jour ou l’autre forcément, si c’est ce qu’ils souhaitent …

– Mais ce n’est pas finalement le cas ?

Le père Noël lève les yeux, surpris, vers le psy. Il prend son chapeau, le tourne entre ses mains et sort de sa hotte un vieux chapeau vert, un peu élimé qu’il regarde avec tendresse. Il le met sur sa tête.

– Merci monsieur. Je ne peux pas venir voir la semaine prochaine, je suis occupé, mais la suivante, oui.

Le psy, tout souriant, le regard pétillant de mille étoiles, lui tend la main …

– Alors, à dans 15 jours monsieur Noël !  Cette séance est … un cadeau …

 

 

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