La solitaire

Consigne :

Décrivez un personnage solitaire.

En soignant la description de ses attitudes, vêtements, gestes ou mouvements qui peuvent être autant de révélateurs « à distance » de son humeur (pas forcément triste).

En soignant la description du « décor » dans lequel il se trouve (solitude, foule, ville ou campagne, lieux divers…).

Ce n’est pas un monologue intérieur (ce n’est pas le personnage qui parle), mais ça peut être (mais pas forcément) le récit d’un témoin qui dit ce qu’il voit (c’est alors un récit au « je »)… A vous de choisir le point de vue.

Pendant que vous y serez, vous pouvez essayer de vous mettre vous-même, pendant l’écriture, dans un état de rêverie, de lenteur… L’humeur de l’écrivain au moment où il écrit peut transparaître dans son texte !

Elle est mariée, elle a des enfants, des amis, des copines, des collègues, mais elle avance seule dans la vie ; elle a compris depuis longtemps qu’à l’heure où l’on s’éveille, à l’heure où l’on s’endort, à l’heure où l’on regarde en soi-même, à l’heure où l’on souffre, à l’heure où l’on doute, à l’heure où l’on meurt, on est seul. La différence, c’est qu’elle en a conscience, et cela depuis son enfance.

Cela ne l’empêche pas de vivre, de rire, d’aimer, de rêver, de créer. Cela ne lui laisse pas en permanence un nœud dans l’estomac, cela ne la rend pas indifférente au jugement d’autrui, cela lui donne même une dose d’humour, souvent noir comme celui qu’ont parfois développé les déportés pour arriver à rire d’eux-mêmes, à rire de leur situation pour s’aider à la supporter.

Elle n’est pas du genre ermite, mais elle aurait aimé vivre dans une maison troglodytique, adossée à une montagne ou une falaise rocheuse pour l’impression de sécurité que cette situation lui aurait procurée. Elle ne vit pas en recluse, la maison qu’elle habite est accueillante, agréablement décorée, ouverte aux amis auxquels une chambre est réservée. Elle se fait d’ailleurs un plaisir de partager ses confitures, ses boutures, ses connaissances et ses savoir-faire.

Elle aime modérément « le monde », a souvent du mal à se mettre au diapason des ambiances au-delà-de quatre à cinq personnes ; elle se sent alors légèrement en retrait, en décalage ; oh, les autres ne se rendent compte de rien car depuis toujours elle sait donner le change, montrer ce que les autres ont envie de voir. En général elle se fond dans le paysage, se cache dans ses vêtements, souvent un peu trop sombres,  souvent un peu trop grands, comme les ados ; parfois, les jours « fastissimes », elle est capable d’arborer une tenue fantaisie, ou bariolée, mais c’est si rare que ça ne vaut pas la peine d’en parler. Son rêve aurait été d’être invisible, de traverser la vie sans que personne ne s’en aperçoive.

Plus jeune quand elle se baignait, son plus grand plaisir était d’arriver très tôt, de pénétrer en douceur dans l’eau, de façon à tout juste en faire frémir la surface. Elle aimait également s’éloigner du rivage et faire la planche de longues minutes, comme si la mer était un vaste lit douillet qui l’accueillait ; ses oreilles immergées la coupaient alors du monde des humains et de ses gesticulations et l’entraînaient dans une autre dimension, où la précipitation n’existe pas, où les bruits sont atténués et perceptibles de très loin. Puis elle se retournait, se mettait à plat ventre et grâce à son tuba, comme posée à la surface de l’eau, restait un temps encore plus long à regarder le fond de la mer ; elle avait remarqué quelques rochers posés sur le sable où, arrivant très tôt le matin, elle pouvait apercevoir une raie ; elle savait qu’il n’en était rien, mais elle se plaisait à se dire :  «Allez, je vais à mon rendez-vous avec ma copine». Elle adorait ces instants où l’animal évoluait à quelques mètres d’elle avec une grâce, une aisance, une élégance qui la fascinaient. Elle suivait des yeux d’autres animaux, elle admirait la perfection des bans de poissons qui évoluent et infléchissent leur trajectoire comme s’ils n’étaient qu’un, mais rien n’égalait à ses yeux le ballet de la raie. Il lui fallait bien ensuite revenir « sur terre », elle attendait pour cela que le soleil sur son dos ne soit plus supportable, elle revenait alors lentement, se réhabituant peu à peu au bruit du monde, aux cris et aux ébats des autres baigneurs, mais c’était pour mieux s’allonger à l’écart sur sa serviette et s’isoler de nouveau, cette fois-ci dans un livre.

Elle ne se baigne plus maintenant car le regard des autres sur ses rondeurs lui est insupportable, ou peut-être est-ce de son propre regard qu’il s’agit, et puis cela fait si longtemps qu’elle ne va plus à la mer ; ce qu’elle aimerait, c’est une île déserte, mais elle n’en a ni les moyens ni l’envie réellement chevillée au corps car elle sait bien qu’après une ou deux semaines de solitude, les autres lui manqueront, finalement elle ne sait pas ce qu’elle veut, elle se sent comme d’habitude à contre-courant. Elle aime les autres, mais elle a une telle crainte d’être blessée ou oubliée, de ne pas trouver sa juste place qu’elle préfère se vivre solitaire.

Elle est comme ça !!

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