La nouvelle histoire du petit chaperon rouge

La consigne était de réécrire un conte de son choix :

– Elle est bien gentille, Mamie, mais elle me gonfle un peu avec ses commissions

– Qu’est-ce-qu’elle m’a dit déjà ? Du beurre de baraque, c’est quoi ça, et une galette de la mère Bouff’tard, ça pareil, qu’est-ce-que c’est encore ?

– Bon, j’vais aller au Mac Do, j’prendrai un double cheese burger avec une grande frite et une sauce curry et pour moi un Mac Fleury aux M’n M’s pour le trajet en métro

– Mais c’est quoi, ces espèces de rapeurs, là au fond d’la rame, qu’est-c’qu’y m’veulent à s’approcher, ils ont des yeux, on dirait des loups !

– Fichez-moi  la paix, bande de nazes, et pas touch’à mes frites, c’est pour ma grand-mère !

– Ouais j’ai une grand-mère !!

– Ouais j’suis une gentille petite-fifille !!

– Ouais j’lui fais ses courses, et alors ?

– Non, elle habite pas en banlieue,  elle habite 18 place des Vosges, dans le 4ème, 2ème étage, droite, ça vous en bouche un coin ! Oui, à côté de l’ex du FMI, exactement, ça vous dérange ? Allez, circulez, y’a rien à voir !! Et puis tiens, poussez-vous, j’descends, vous m’gâchez l’paysage, j’préfère encore finir à pied.

Une heure plus tard :

Salut mamie, c’est moi, j’t’apporte tes courses ; ben qu’est-ce-qui  s’est passé ici Mamie ? C’est quoi tous ces gars en vrac par terre, mais j’les reconnais, c’est ceux du métro, mais y’a du sang partout, mais y bougent pus, mais y sont morts !!

…/…

Sacrée Mamie, ben finalement, Tonton Capone, il a bien fait d’t’offrir un bazooka pour la fête des mères !!

 

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